okay, i dont know how many times I've told myself that it was over. it replays over and over in my head about how i want to just forget about everything. it hurts so much to actually have him in my life. thinking about how bad it has got fricken irritates me. i hate how he treats me like crap. he expects me to just handle everything he does to me, even if it hurts. i cant take it anymore. im at a point where i dont even give a flying fuck. no one knows how bad it is. through everyones eyes, were just an average couple where we have our ups and downs. but behind close doors we fight 24/7. i cant stand how he continous to treat me like shit and he doesnt even realize it. im at home taking care of the baby day and night and he doesnt appreciate everything i do. i want to put him in my shoes and make him realize how easy he got it. let me treat him the way he treats me and see if he likes it. it fucking sucks that i cant just move on. i love the guy so much that i rather be hurt a million times by how he is then actually move on to someone new. if im not going to be with him then i think its going to be super hard to find someone else. idk, what to do anymore. do i move on or just stick with it and hope things change?! -__- i want to break these bad habits of always thinking its my fault for every fight. i have to be the bigger person and always apologize and find myself running back to him. i have to find reasons of why i have to blame myself for things being this way. i know i can be a bitch and grumble wayy to many times in a day but i know i deserve better. I tried way to many times and nothing seems to get to him that i feel like shit when he yells at me, swears at me, or doesnt even give me and the baby the time of day. it seems like were not even important to him. i want to just show him how life would be without us. i want to challenge myself and not give in this time.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
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