what the hell did we get ourselves into?! 031809

here i we go again, im so sick of you treating me like this. treating me like im nothing to you. for goodness sake im holding OUR kid. if you havent notice its not long until shes coming and we still cant seem to grow up. im so sick of how you do whatever you like. shit, i dont care if you go out with your friends but you dont need to fucking lie about it or even leave clueless about your where abouts. youd hate it if i treated you the way you treated me. if i decided to go out every day and not care what you have to say about. I'd love to do what i want to do without caring about anyone else about myself. go and hang out and do stupid shit with my friends. like wtf, im a senior and i find myself at home every night or out with you. if i had it my way, i wouldve thought twice about what i did. i mean i dont regret having her, i mean dont get me wrong, shes the best thing that ever happen to me but the timing is so off. its my last year of high school, id love going out doing something stupid, doing shit that gives me the adrenaline. i miss being a kid but i gave all that up when i found out i was pregnant. i want you to realize that its time to grow up, we have more responsibilities that just going out and having the time of our life. if your going to lie about what your doing, then whatever im fine doing everything on my own. its gets me so fustrated that you think im never gonna leave, watch one day, your not going to even realize that im sick of just crying over you, wondering what your doing, and hateing myself cause i just dont have the courage to leave you. you know that im never gonna leave you and you take that into your full advantage my messing up every single time cause you know im just going to forgive you. i so tired of hateing myself because i could have done something sooner and now im too whooped to even stick up for myself. you yell at me telling me that when you screw up, somehow its my fault. if i decide to get mad you cant even say sorry, you find a way to make it my fault and turn the tables on me. then at the end of the day i end up blaming myself because i was stupid one for jumping into conclusion or im just blowing it out of proportion. just let me express my anger because i have everything bottled up and its so stupid because the only way i can vent out is on this blog and you dont even know what im feeling. i fucking hate that you treat me like this. like im some other girl to you. if im just like the rest then you should of thought about that before having a kid with me. i gave up so much and you think its nothing. i could have been anticipating on acceptance letters from the mainland but instead im waiting on your phone call making excuses in my head for myself to believe that your not doing things behind my back or once again lying. i could have been fucking up, doing stupid things because i know im still a kid and its my senior year but instead i decided to grow up because i dont want to be portrayed as those irresponsible moms. i could have been living life like theres no tomorrow but instead im on lockdown because i dont want you getting mad at me. In your eyes, you still can do whatever you want and thats not fair. i thought we was in this together but at times you make me feel like everything is on MY shoulder, that every problem is only MY problem -__-