so i guess its been forevers since i wrote in this blog. I FINALLYgave birth on May 22, 2009 to Alexis Trinity Bautista Villator. Being in Labor for 14 hours was the most pain I've ever been in. After my water broke in school, i never knew until the next day when i went in for my weekly check-up. so me and ryan had to drive to Kapiolani and after a few minutes of waiting i was sent into the delievery room. there they shot me up with IV's and medication to induce my labor. i found out i also had preeclamsia? something about having a seizure while i was in labor so they gave me another medication to reduce those chances. That magnesium thing made me feel hella yucky. anyways, after kicking, screaming and crying she finally popped out at 7:05 am. Bright and early. My sister texted everyone and all my friends from school came to the hospital. too bad i was too tired to see everyone or even be happy. atleast they got to see the baby. hahaha. anyways there was more visitors throughout the day. thanks to everyone that came :)
Besides giving birth another major event was that Ryan's mom passed away -__- luckily she got to see Alexis before she had to go. may she rest in peace. This whole week we have prayer for her and ewww i have to see that homewrecker!. i dont even know why she has to be there. shes should just not come cause i surely dont want her there. i know that she knows that i dont like her. she doesnt bother to talk to me or even say hi. good! shes a homewrecker and im happy she knows that i dispise her. LMAO!
everything is happening at once im so overwhelmed with everything. i dont think anyone knows exactly how i feel right now. with Alexis arriving and ryans mom passing away. its so hard to do this whole parenting thing on my own. especially because ryan always has to be at his house and he cant really be there for us right now. its so hard raising a child on my own. my parents dont make it easier when they continously nag on me about this and that, you have to do this and your doing it wrong. omgosh, i think sometimes i might be going through post-partum depression because nothing seems to make me happy. Besides my baby but when shes sleeping so much things run through my mind. like how things are so different between me and ryan, how my life has changed so drastically and how sometimes i wish i could just be a kid again. i mean dont get me wrong, im glad that i have alexis but being a mom at this age is harder then i thought. i cant even go to a party without my mom calling me telling me to come home because Alexis wont stop crying. while everyone is living up the last summer before everyone is off to college, im stuck at home being a grown up. Ryan acts like his life is still the same, i feel like this baby thing hasnt hit him yet and he takes so much things for granted. like how im always going to take it easy on him even when he constantly yells and swears at me for the littlest things. he doesnt realize that at the end of the day, i take up most of the responsibilites when it comes to our daughter. im the one that gets up in the middle of the night to feed her, the one that has to change mostly every single diaper, then one that has to rock her because shes fussy and im the one that doesnt even bother him cause hes fast asleep. he takes this relationship for granted especially with all the things i put up with and how easily i forgive him because i cant take it when we fight. even when hes the one the continously fucks up and continously talks to her even if it gets me mad. i dont care if there just friends, he still doesnt take my feeling into consideration. it pisses me off that when a boy talks or texts me, he gets all upset about it but when the tables are switched, im suppose to be okay with it. i hate his temper tantrums and how im suppose to deal with it because its just the way he is. he gets all upset that i wont accept the fact that that just the way he is, i have to love all his faults even if it means it hurts doing so. i dont think ive been happy for quite a long time now. i wish things were different, i wish things were like how it was before. when he agreed to uphold some of the responsibilities. as fast as he was to jump onto the baby boat, he was also quick to jump off. it sucks that things have to be this way -__-
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